Friday, October 20, 2017

Edifice Wrecks



On the stair made of stone it's quite gloomy
Frigid air chills the bone -- it's too roomy
And except for the lab
So decrepit and drab
Sitting there all alone it feels tomb-y. 

Dwight Frye as hunchback Fritz is dwarfed by the massive sets of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Dragging His Features



Once a man, now a musty old mummy
He's uncanny, but crusty and crumb-y
But one nip of this brew
And his grip's good as new
For the tana he's just a big rummy.

Lon Chaney Jr. stars as Kharis in The Mummy's Hand (Christy Cabanne; 1940), the first Mummy film after Karloff played the character in 1932. From this point on. the Universal Mummy shambled silently, with a distinct morning-after look. But his only refreshment was a potion of tana leaves.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Frankensteinway



Colin Clive's dashed to bits in a crash
He's alive! But his mitts are now hash
With his fists gone astray
His poor wrists cannot play
This deprived Horowitz ain't a smash.

David Cairns

Colin Clive is Stephen Orlac, a concert pianist who undergoes a double hand transplant in Mad Love (Karl Freund; 1935).

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Ready, Set, Gogol!



Gogol's morbid, and missing a screw
Guignol torture he'll blissfully view
When the featured performer
Gives a screech he gets warmer
Has Ms Orlac a sis? Are there two?



Doctor Gogol (Peter Lorre) is obsessed with Yvonne Orlac (Frances Drake) in Mad Love ( Karl Freund; 1935).

Monday, October 16, 2017

Poker Fazed



With a brand that could roast her they're poking
She can stand more than most, but she's soaking
As her sweat turns to steam
This stage vet starts to scream
"The Grand Guignol's posted 'non-smoking!'"



Madame Orlac (Frances Drake) performs in le Théâtre des Horreurs in Mad Love ( Karl Freund; 1935).Title by David Cairns, who's just getting warmed up. Our Countdown to Halloween continues..

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Disneyland of Lost Souls



This madman's a medical nut
A baddie who's ready to cut
This sicko's a pest
With chickens obsessed
The cad tries de-heading your mutt!

Pluto is threatened by The Mad Doctor (David Hand; 1933), a very scary and eerily atmospheric Mickey Mouse cartoon. The doc's experiment: transplanting Pluto's head onto the body of a chicken.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Piano Manic



Both his wrists in a crash have been hewn
Playing Liszt now, he'll bash out a tune
Due to mental disease 
Almost denting the keys
What a twisted and passionate loon!

Colin Clive plays a concert pianist who undergoes a double hand transplant in Mad Love (Karl Freund; 1935).

Friday, October 13, 2017

Assistance is Futile



Signs of strain, the maniacal laugh
It's quite plain Hank should try the half-caf
Playing God is the pits
With a clod such as Fritz
Drop a brain? Why's this guy still on staff?

Brain-dropper Fritz (Dwight Frye) watches from the background as Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive) is restrained by Dr. Waldman (Edward Van Sloan) and Victor Moritz (John Boles): Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). It's hard to imagine Karloff posing for stills wrapped as the Monster.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

May the Beast-Man Win



This jackal cuts out all your "flaws"
He hacks at your snouts and your paws
At each scalpel foul
You screech, yelp, and howl
But strike back when he flouts his own laws.

Doctor Moreau (Charles Laughton) and Montgomery (Arthur Hohl) operate in the "House of Pain": Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932).

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

The Beast Must Diet



Don't get caught by his belt, half-man flunky
You'll have bought a new welt, Mr. Monkey.
When that whip goes KER-ACK!
It will rip up your back
Doc Laughton's not svelte, but he's spunky.

David Cairns

Charles Laughton is whip-cracking Doctor Moreau, with Bela Lugosi as the "Sayer of the Law," one of the many beast-men on the Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932).

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Happy birthday, David Cairns!



Happy birthday to filmmaker, teacher, writer of too-much-stuff-to-mention, cat-wrangler, LimerWrecker, and genial host of the film blog Shadowplay, David Cairns!

Hanky-Pank Panther



From panther to woman transfigured!
She's anthropomorphic'lly jiggered
When this gal meets a friend
All her talons extend
Cat antics hormonally triggered.

David Cairns

Kathleen Burke as Lota, the Panther Woman, in Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932).

Monday, October 9, 2017

Cuts Up Doc?



Disdainful of nature's selection,
Through pain he creates a collection
An island he'll rule
Through science most cruel
His reign one of hateful dissection.

Doctor Moreau (Charles Laughton) looks down on his creations: Island of the Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932).

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Mouse of Horrors



As the skull on the railing post glares,
Little Mickey keeps climbing the stairs
At the landing he stops
And then back down he drops
The guy just doesn't get anywheres.

Mickey Mouse in the memorably moody short, The Mad Doctor (David Hand; 1933). Title by mousey Donald B. Benson.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Practice Make Perverts



His practice is far from benign
Whips cracking keep part-men in line
Sick Doctor Moreau
Concocts a freak show
This quack out-bizarres Frankenstein!

Charles Laughton as Doctor Moreau in Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932). Donald B. Benson makes funny titles.

Friday, October 6, 2017

From Pillar to Post Mortem



As a robber, you'd beat and you'd strangle
Hanged by mob, now your feet sadly dangle
Think it couldn't get worse?
Here's no-goodniks, perverse!
To these slobs, you're dead meat they can mangle.

Colin Clive and Dwight Frye in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931). Title by frequent poster Donald B. Benson, who writes, "Pity the nameless criminal salvaged by Frankenstein and friend. Imagine coming back after death with a defective brain and a knack for getting repeatedly killed and resuscitated."

Thursday, October 5, 2017

To Moreau



Dear Doctor, your questionable work
Is shocking, distressing, berserk
You've doddered, insane
Into God's own domain
A debacle, at best, you big jerk.

David Cairns

Richard Arlen, and Charles Laughton as the sadistic Dr. Moreau in Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton, 1932). Continuing the Countdown to Halloween, a month-long celebration of creepy movies and creepier verse.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Whole Lota Love



Not hirsute, but not too far removed
From those brutes still half-human and hooved
Lota's pretty and slinky
But this kitty is hinky
She's a beauty that's new, not improved.

Kathleen Burke is Lota, the Panther Woman in Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton; 1932).

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

With Love From Me to Zoo



This missy won't shout if he paws
He'd kiss her, but doubt at him gnaws
She's ready for clinches
Instead he just flinches
She hisses, and out come her claws.

Edwin Parker and Lota, the Panther Woman get jungle fever: Richard Arlen and Kathleen Burke in Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton, 1932). Title by animal lover Donald B. Benson.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Nature Versus Suture



The creations obscene by Moreau
Aren't nature as seen by Thoreau
Here a panther in heat
With a man's indiscreet
Such relations Joe Breen wouldn't show.

Richard Arlen and Kathleen Burke get close in the science fiction horror classic Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton, 1932). Joseph Breen became head censor of the Production Code Administration in 1934.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Hotter Than Cel



In settings as sweaty as Heck's,
Fiends threaten poor Betty with sex
If the ghouls ever got her
No fuel would burn hotter
And the petting would get rated X.

Welcome to the Countdown to Halloween on LimerWrecks! Betty Boop sizzles in Red Hot Mamma (Dave Fleischer,1934). Title by heat-seeking Donald B. Benson.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Minding Her Trapeze and Cues



Three rings, and they're all a bit sleazy
This swinger appallingly easy
Dwight Frye's cheatin' bride
Lives high, but will slide
Poor thing has a fall most trapeze-y.

Aerialist Josie La Tour (Greta Nissen) is the wife of jealous husband Flandrin the Great (Dwight Frye), and is the title character in Circus Queen Murder (Roy William Neill ; 1933). Title by Donald B. Benson, minding her trapezius.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Sense or Censor?



Since petals would float on the water,
He tossed in a villager's daughter.
The code disapproved.
The scene was removed,
And viewers inferred something fraughter.

Donald B. Benson

The Monster (Boris Karloff) and Little Maria (Marilyn Harris) in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931) From Donald Benson: The monster befriends a small girl and they watch flower petals float on the lake. He tosses her in, expecting her to float as well. He's horrified when she doesn't. The scene was cut, so the next scene of the father carrying her body implies genuine evil.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Isle Be Sewing You



If you plot a course east from Bikini
There's this spot that's policed by a meanie
So sadistic a man
Here's his twisted life plan:
Making lots of he-beasts halloweeny.

Charles Laughton is the sadistic Dr.Moreau in the decidedly pre-Code horror classic, Island of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton, 1932). Stay tuned to LimerWrecks for the Countdown to Halloween, our month-long celebration of spooky movies and monstrous verse.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Gentlemen Prefer Blondell



Ol' Joan didn't hide from publicity
On the phone she'd provide electricity
In bath and boudoir
Her path took her far
She's shown just this side of explicit-y.

Pre-Code era star Joan Blondell: no actress looked like she was having more fun getting in and out of her clothes. Title by that chaser of Loos women, gentle Donald B. Benson.

Monday, September 25, 2017

A Miracle Cure For a Code



In "Morgan's Creek" Betty's a virgin
But just till some ill-advised mergin'.
The censors, I'll bet
Most deeply regret
They stood by and let Preston Sturge in.

Donald B. Benson

Betty Hutton and Eddie Bracken star in the Code-defying The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944), written and directed by Preston Sturges. Hutton spends a wild night on the town, marrying a soldier whose name and face she can't remember. And it gets wilder from there.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

That Impure Object of Desire?



Though quite innocent Betty appears
She shows skin when on set she premieres
The censor says, "Gracious!
Immensely salacious!
She's beginning to get lots of leers!"

David Cairns

Betty Boop excites The Old Man of the Mountain (Dave Fleischer;1933).

Friday, September 22, 2017

Fritzkrieg!



This guy's a deplorable sneak
He despises those more of a freak
This ganef and ghoul
To the monster is cruel
No surprise Fritz's fortunes are bleak.

In Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931), Fritz (Dwight Frye) taunts the Monster (Boris Karloff) with a torch. Limerick lexicon: ganef = thief. It's Dwight Frye-Day at LimerWrecks.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Against the Grains



Within reach, a bare limb is like candy
Skin beseeching a him to get randy
Then the facts intervene
Showing cracks in the scene
On the beach, and in swimsuits, it's sandy.

Chester Morris and Carole Lombard are Sinners in the Sun (Alexander Hall; 1932).

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

No Good Time Goes Unpunished



Just like juries, film plots must obey
Laws ensuring the rotten cliché   
In Virtue v. Sin
The church gets to win
Impure, flapper hotties must pay.

Dorothy Sebastian, Joan Crawford, and Anita Page in Our Dancing Daughters (Harry Beaumont;1928). Title by good for nothing Donald B. Benson.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Nick and Noway



The facts of life cannot be stated
So alternate means are created.
If a lady expects,
She didn't have sex
But was artfully insinuated.

Donald B. Benson

After the Thin Man (W.S. Van Dyke; 1936) closes with Nick asking Nora why she is knitting booties. “And you call yourself a detective…”

Monday, September 18, 2017

The Medium Was the Menace

 

When naughtiness reached a crescendo,
Both up front and by innuendo,
The censoring boards
Protected us hordes
Till cable, the net, and Nintendo.

Donald B. Benson

Joan Blondell and Dick Powell in Convention City (Archie Mayo; 1933)--a notoriously racy film, now apparently lost.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

From Boop to Nuts



Her garter she'd flash, to amaze
All hearts filled with passion, ablaze
This flapper cartoon
Would happily croon                                                                        
Till the tart had her clash with Will Hays.

David Cairns

 

Over the years, Betty Boop's garter changed styles as well as legs, and her cartoons changed from risqué to tame, the latter due to influence of the Motion Picture Production Code of 1930, aka the Hays Code after censor Will Hays.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Don't Look Then



Could Dwight see the byway ahead?
That nightmarish highway of dread?
That soon all his roles
Would be loonies and trolls
Did it frighten the guy to drop dead?

Dwight Frye as Renfield, on the road to the castle of Dracula (Todd Browning; 1931). On November 7, 1943, Frye died of a heart attack while riding on a bus in Hollywood.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

He's Too Darn...Not



Patsy's beau doesn't cotton she's there,
So this show at a rotten cad's lair.
He's sick (morning after).
She quickly grows dafter.
Still it's no, the poor sot doesn't care.

Donald B. Benson



Marion Davies and Lawrence Gray in The Patsy (King Vidor; 1928). From Donald: "Davies has schemed for the hero to burst in, rescue her from a playboy, and realize he loves her. But aforementioned playboy is enduring a hangover, so she tries -- and fails -- to rouse him with impressions of three current sirens, Mae Murray, Pola Negri, and Lillian Gish (above)."

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Holy Unlock



The hero, who sure wasn't choosy
Gets married to pure-looking floozy.
A proper divorce?
Too sinful, of course.
It's lucky the floozy is boozy

Donald B. Benson

Dorothy Sebastian and Anita Page in Our Dancing Daughters (Harry Beaumont; 1928). Says Donald, "Evil Anita Page steals Johnny Mack Brown from pretending-to-be-fast Joan Crawford. SPOILER: The villainess then conveniently gets drunk and takes a header down a stairway to clear way for happy ending."

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Unflappable



Her raciness draws 'em like flies.
Disgraceful, her flapperesque guise.
When called on her bluff,
She hollers, "Enough!
This face is a front to please guys!"

Donald B. Benson

Mr. Benson writes, "A rich young man (Neil Hamilton) tests a poor girl's virtue in Why Be Good? (William A. Seiter; 1929) -- as in many other films. But instead of the usual melodrama, Colleen Moore rips into him with an angry lecture on how girls HAVE to play sexy."                 
Here at LimerWrecks, we LOVE Colleen Moore.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Holy It



This shop girl is good, but ambitious
And maybe a bit too delicious.
Mistaken for bad,
She still gets her lad
When cleared in a manner propitious.

Donald B. Benson

Clara Bow and Antonio Moreno in "It" (Clarence G. Badger, Josef von Sternberg; 1927). Says Mr. Benson: Clara Bow targets a rich young man, but he thinks she's an unwed mother (her roommate has a baby; her marital status is kept fuzzy). Happy ending aside, it's implied unwed motherhood WOULD disqualify her from respectable marriage.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

From Max to Minimum



Unlike some cartoon ignoramus,
We tykes preferred Fleischer to Famous.
The latter were meager
Too flat, and no Segar
No Ike era grownup could blame us.

Donald B. Benson

From Donald Benson: "Discerning baby boomer kids quickly learned that the vintage Max Fleischer Popeyes were far and away superior to the later toons from Famous Studios."

Friday, September 8, 2017

Henry and Goon



In silence and shadow they're scheming
Of science gone bad they've been dreaming
Would the two follow through
If they knew it was true
That nine of ten madmen die screaming.

Colin Clive, Dwight Frye, and friend in Frankenstein (James Whale; 1931).

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Formula Won



No target too tall for a zinger,
The Marxes put all through the wringer
Said Metro, "That's stupid!
They better play Cupid."
So Barta gives Thalberg the finger.

The Marx Brothers with "Boy Wonder" Irving Thalberg, head of production at Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Seen in retrospect, A Night at the Opera, first film for MGM, marked the beginning of a tamer Marx Brothers. From Wikipedia: "In their Paramount films, the brothers' characters were much more anarchic: they attacked anybody who was so unfortunate to cross their paths whether they deserved it or not, albeit comically. Thalberg, however, felt that this made the brothers unsympathetic, particularly to female filmgoers. So in the MGM films, the brothers were recast as more helpful characters, saving their comic attacks for the villains."

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Cutie on the Q.T.



For Harpo no dialog's written
But sharp eyes espy when he's smitten 
When a blonde wanders near
That he's fond will be clear
He'll carpe the viable kitten.

Harpo with Marion Martin in The Big Store (Charles Reisner; 1941). The brassy, curvaceous Martin was dubbed "Hollywood's blonde menace." 

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

They Are The Leg Men



These sleazy old hams like the views
When easing young lambs into shoes
From thighs down to toes,
Their eyes ogle hose
As pleasing, curved gams they peruse.

The Marx Brothers run the shoe department in The Big Store (Charles Reisner; 1941). With Margaret Dumont, Virginia Grey, and Marion Martin. Title by leggy Donald Benson.

Monday, September 4, 2017

I Only Have Thighs For You



Two characters, showing some shin
He stares, gives the ol' knowing grin
One limb, though, is wrong
And doesn't belong
It's bare, and who knows where it's been.

Harpo Marx, Marion Martin and a mannequin leg in The Big Store (Charles Reisner; 1941).

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Pop-eye Culture Reference



So, Popeye was born in a trunk?
What shopworn and worn out old bunk!
Without Bluto to bludgeon
This snooty curmudgeon
Would stop such forlorn, pointless junk.



From Puttin’ on The Act (1940), in which Popeye and Olive Oyl dust off their routine from their days in vaudeville, including Popeye's impressions of Jimmy Durante, Stan Laurel, and Groucho Marx. The cartoon is unremarkable, but it does have some fine hoofing by noodle-limbed Olive. Title by pop-eyed Donald B. Benson.