Saturday, August 30, 2014

Ill Window

When Kong through the curtains comes peeping
The wrong blonde in a nightshirt starts weeping
Though she's plucked from her room
And then chucked to her doom
Soon he's gone with a skirt who's worth keeping.

David Cairns

Kong grabs the wrong blond before he finds Fay Wray: a production drawing for King Kong (1933).  More on King Kong after we finish our feature on Scream Queens.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Peeping Kong

Their pairing is certainly queer
She's the fair little squirt he holds dear
She'll escape to her room
But the ape soon will loom
So beware! Through the curtains he'll peer.

Kong spies Jack Driscoll and Ann Darrow in a hotel room: Bruce Cabot and scream queen Fay Wray can't escape the hairy paw of King Kong (1933).

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Vast Embrace

Burly men he just bashes or bites
But this gender his passion ignites 
With lace underthings showing
This Eighth Wonder gets going
'Til he ends, his hopes dashed from great heights.

'Scream queen' Fay Wray is in the clutches of King Kong (1933).

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

King Leer

At her drawers he will gape, poke and prod
He explores the svelte shape of her bod
Though this Kong's jungle Rex,
He still longs for some sex
'Cause he's more of an ape than a god.

Fay Wray is quite a handful for King Kong (1933).

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Heavy Petting Zoo

On a mountain the shape of a skull
The chance of escape's nearly null
The King tries to get tactile
And in flies pterodactyl...
This romance with an ape's never dull.

David Cairns

Scream Queen Fay Wray has plenty to shout about in King Kong (1933).

Monday, August 25, 2014

Shoo! The Winged Serpent

In his paw, like a prize, Kong will scoop her
She's in awe at his size, but a trouper
Pterodactyls may swoop
But, when smacked, they all droop
Jungle law sends those guys down the pooper.

A model of Fay Wray wriggles in the grip of King Kong (1933). Title by serpentine David Cairns.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Lunge Lizard

Can't gorilla find peace with his girlie?
And just chill, free from beasts big and burly?
Gettin' busy, Kong's foiled
When by lizard he's coiled,
Reptilian, squeezing and curly.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

When danger threatens, delicate love interest Fay Wray is set aside by King Kong (1933).

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Fay Wray on the Tree-Top

She is perched on a twig looking vexed
Cause the birch gets all jiggled and flexed
She can pine all she likes
While the dinosaur strikes
In the lurch while big ape gets T-rexed

David Cairns

Scream queen Fay Wray has a ringside seat at the monster battles in King Kong (1933).

Friday, August 22, 2014

Una Ticks

Poor Una was made for a gag
She'd swoon when afraid, then she'd sag
And she'd carp and she'd screech
Features sharp, and no peach
All too soon, Una played the old bag.

Una O'Connor (1880 -1959) was comic relief in James Whale's The Invisible Man (1933) and Bride of Frankenstein (1935). In the latter she plays Minnie, the Baron's housekeeper. The monster, of course, is Karloff.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Dire Walk with Me

This unfortunate soul, in her keeping,
Out the door takes a stroll while still sleeping 
Though she's nursed, won't recover 
She's been cursed, like her lover
On this torrid atoll all is weeping.

The lovely Frances Dee starred in at least one moody masterpiece, I Walked With a Zombie (Jacques Tourneur; 1943). In it she plays nurse Betsy Connell, in charge of zombie Jessica Holland (Christine Gordon). Dee was married to actor Joel McCrea.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Feline, Fo, Fum

In despair, she complains of a curse
Of a terror profane and perverse
And their honeymoon bed
She will shun, full of dread
To their marriage Irena's averse.

Will Oliver and Irena find happiness? Will the poor guy he ever get to second base? Kent Smith and Simone Simon in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Poolside Nervous

Like a herring, you float in the drink
Something's tearing out throats, so don't blink
This feline offender
Is female in gender
And she's wearing a coat black as ink.

Jane Randolph screams and Simone Simon turns on the lights in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Monday, August 18, 2014

Swim Shady

In the shadows it grows, black and foul
Big and bad, the beast goes on the prowl
Sight unseen in the murk
Drama queen gone berserk?
With no paddle, she throws in the towel.

Jane Randolph finds she can't hide in the water in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Pool Focus

Her nerves frayed, in deep water she's treading
She's dismayed -- her own slaughter she's dreading
Though she thinks she's alone
Her heart sinks like a stone
She's afraid if she's caught it means shredding.

Jane Randolph takes a swim in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by the always in focus David Cairns.

Saturday, August 16, 2014


Late at night -- something's wrong -- there's a sound  
You're uptight -- move along -- don't turn 'round!
Hear her growl in the dark,
On the prowl through the park...
She might bite, and belongs in a pound.

Jane Randolph takes a walk in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Title by cheap suit David Cairns.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Sex Kitten, Twice Shy

This poor dear has a terrible dread
It's a fear has her worried in bed
When she's reeling with passion
Will she squeal, feline-fashion?
Oh the tears! -- and the fur! -- that she's shed.

David Cairns

Irena dreams of hairballs: Simone Simon in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942).

Thursday, August 14, 2014

That Loving Feline

Irena the Serb's very glamorous
Dejeuner sur l'herbe turns her amorous
When her mood gets erotic
Then she's brooding, psychotic
Brain disturbed, she goes furry and clamorous.

David Cairns

Simone Simon is the feline Irena Dubrovna in Cat People (Jacques Tourneur; 1942). Kent Smith is Oliver Reed, who falls for her. "Le déjeuner sur l'herbe" means "The luncheon on the grass", and is the title of an oil painting by Édouard Manet.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Ankers Away

Ankers' pictures, with loonies, all teem
Men afflicted by moonlight's full beam
Oh-so-scary amours
Who grow hairy on moors
And predictably soon there's a scream.

British actress and 'scream queen' Evelyn Ankers faints in the arms of The Wolf Man (1941), lounges in a promo pic below for The Mad Ghoul (1943), and points to a list of some of her other films at Universal, accompanied by director James P. Hogan and the Mad Ghoul himself, David Bruce. Here's a previous rhyme about Ankers.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Strong Violent Type

Kong's a thing no mere army can tame
He's the King, and he'll harm, hurt and maim
You won't faze him with shackles
All you'll raise are his hackles
What will sting are the charms of a dame.

Fay Wray is beauty, and the beast is King Kong (Cooper and Schoedsack; 1933). Title by weak and wimpy David Cairns.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

What's a Nice Gorilla Like you...?

Like she's shrunken to fit, Fay looks tiny
When a monkey's big mitt snares her heinie
He's no beautiful dreamer
She's a dutiful screamer
Full of spunk, but a little bit whiny.

David Cairns

Fay Wray gives her lungs a workout in King Kong (Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1933).

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Kong Silent Type

Any creature he meets he soon smites
Makes no speeches--he beats and he bites
But his heartstrings respond
To a smart, clingy blond
In this screecher, petite, he delights.

Fay Wray screams her way through the greatest monster movie of all time, King Kong (Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack; 1933).  I scream, you scream, we all scream for Scream Queens.

Friday, August 8, 2014

The Visible Wray

On display in some gruesome goon's scheme  
Our Miss Wray was a nubile wet dream
Wearing outfits revealing
When she shouts it's appealing
She's a lady who knew how to scream.

Actress and "scream queen" Fay Wray (September 15, 1907 – August 8, 2004), looking perfectly pink in 2-strip Technicolor, in the classic pre-code chiller Mystery of the Wax Museum (Michael Curtiz; 1933).

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Dust to Dustbin

Farewell to the eerie departed
From their dwellings of fear they've been carted
Only lost, not destroyed
They'll defrost, redeployed
When their hellish careers are restarted.

The Monster shambles off into the graveyard: Boris Karloff in Bride of Frankenstein (James Whale; 1935). Title by dust-bunny David Cairns. With this goodbye, we expand our focus beyond the classic Universal monster films. First up, Scream Queens.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Bat For Business

If you poke him to death with a stick
It's revoked in the very next flick
But with box office losses
Not garlic or crosses
The cloaked one becomes really sick.

David Cairns

Dr. Neimann pulls a stake from the heart of Dracula: Boris Karloff and John Carradine in House of Frankenstein (1944). The 1940s monster cycle was winding down at Universal. The atomic age was just around the corner, bringing forth new creatures and giant, radioactive critters.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Wooden Box Office

Unholy, he slept in his crypt
Then slowly he crept out and sipped
Drac's undead and infernal
And it's said he's eternal
But by showbiz inept he is whipped.

Lou Costello as Wilbur Grey, Béla Lugosi as Count Dracula, and Glenn Strange as the Frankenstein Monster, in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (Charles Barton; 1948), the film that put the final nail in the coffin of Dracula at Universal. Title by box office poisoner David Cairns.

Monday, August 4, 2014

The Mummy's (Given Up the) Ghost

Pre-diluvian, haggard, gray face
Dis-improved by time's saggy embrace
Beware, do, the beat
Of the two cloth-wrapped feet
Though he moves at a laggardly pace.

 David Cairns

Lon Chaney Jr. stars as the title monster in The Mummy's Ghost (1944). Here he's reaching out to Professor Norman (Frank Reicher), who was stupidly tinkering with tana leaves.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

The Inner Skanktum

If this pharaoh should ever unwind
When he's bare, you'd revoltingly find
All the marks of decay
Carcass wasted away
Just a scary, old nude left behind.

David Cairns

Boris Karloff and make-up artist Jack Pierce bring life to The Mummy (Karl Freund; 1932). The mummy make-up took hours to apply and remove, and Karloff said that they forgot to give it a fly.