Saturday, May 31, 2014

Boy Eats Girl

Fred Astaire gave the hotties a twirl
And with flair Astaire got ev'ry girl               
But when two-left-feet Larry
Pitches woo it gets scary
As his hair (there's a lot) starts to curl.

Fun with Universal's never-filmed HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN continues.  Image: Wolf man Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) dips Gwen Conliffe (Evelyn Ankers) in the original The Wolf Man (1941).

Friday, May 30, 2014

Worry Sundown

Larry's filled with a lunar-borne woe
Isn't thrilled what the moon night bestow
When it's high in the sky
The poor guy wants to die:
On his build, thickly hewn, fur will grow.

Uneasy is the HOUSE OF THEWOLF MAN. Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.), climbing the walls in The Wolf Man (1941).

Thursday, May 29, 2014

A Fur Piece

A werewolf will visit one eve
But beware! It's his biz to deceive
Though on gore he may snack
He is more of a yak
All that hair isn't his--it's a weave.

Grooming time in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN.
Image: Universal makeup man Jack Pierce applies the yak hair to Lon Chaney Jr. in a production still from The Wolf Man (1941).

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Hairline Factor

Late that night your new lover appeared
In faint light you discover he's weird     
Though he's tall, dark and nice,
The guy's crawling with lice--
He's a fright till his covering's sheared.

A late night rendezvous in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Gwen Conliffe (Evelyn Ankers) and Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) in The Wolf Man (George Waggner; 1941). Title by receding Norm Knott.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Upper Crusty

At bad none more wicked surpass
This cad from the sick upper class
Looking very uptight
In his chair so upright,
Is he mad there's a stick up his ass?

Today is the birthday of  actor Vincent Price (May 27, 1911 - October 25, 1993). Image: Autocratic Nicholas Van Ryn (Vincent Price) lords it over Dragonwyck (Joseph L. Mankiewicz. 1946). Here's our previous limerick on this dark gothic melodrama.

Hirsute, Forsooth!

Larry's nervous--all day he's been dreading
That his furry display will start spreading
Now, as shadow extends, 
Lunar madness descends
Soon comes murder and mayhem and shredding.

The hand of Larry Talbot gets hairy in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by Norm Knott, forsoothsayer.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Evening Were-Wolf

Larry's torment grows great in the gloaming
It lay dormant, but wait--his mouth's foaming
Under silvery light,
Blood will spill, fangs will bite--
Changing form after eight, he goes roaming.

It's twilight time in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Limerick Lexicon: The gloaming = twilight. Image: A rueful Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by ready-to-wear David Cairns.

Friday, May 16, 2014

The Furred Man

A man pads through the night on two paws
Foaming mad, 'cause one bite from his jaws
Is like rabies, but worse
For this baby's a curse
Leaves you saddled with frightening claws.

David Cairns

The fur will fly in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Furry Lon Chaney Jr. in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943).

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The Pawed-iatrist

Larry's beaten and bit by the blues
Hasn't eaten, been hitting the booze
What could cause such despair?
Growing paws? Fangs to bare?
Hairy feet that don't fit in his shoes!

Larry Talbot breaks down in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. mourns the death of Bea Lugosi in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by footman David Cairns.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

The Grating Outdoors

The outdoors can seem truly exciting
Forest floors often cool and inviting
But Ma Nature's untamed,
Full of hatred inflamed,
With deplorable drooling and biting.

Larry Talbot is attacked by a wolf in our imagining of the unproduced HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and canine friend in The Wolf Man (George Waggner, 1941).

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Close Encounters of the Furred Kind

Through the forest, all hairy, he tracks
Without warning the werewolf attacks
To all silver averse,
He's not thrilled with the curse,
Or his horribly rare midnight snacks.
It's feeding time in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. strikes a pose for Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943). Title by close-talker David Cairns.

Friday, May 9, 2014

House Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf Man

You-know-who around tree trunks is peeking
Like some zoo escapee he is sneaking
When a lady draws close
She will say adios
He says BOO! and she flees from him, shrieking.

Universal Studios never made HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN, but what if they had filmed the proposed follow-up to House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula? Image: Lon Chaney Jr in, I believe, House of Dracula (1945). Title by big bad David Cairns.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Five O'Clock Shudder

Glaring starlight and moon stare from space
Larry's marvelous hairy of face
Growing whiskers on chin
There's a risk that he'll sin
Careful, darlings, beware his embrace.

David Cairns

Larry gets hairy in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) and Milizia (Martha O'Driscoll) shrink from the Wolf Man (Lon Chaney Jr.) in a promo pic for House of Dracula (1945).

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Hairy Sundown

Larry curses, grows wet with the sweats,
As his nurses get set with the nets
They impugn his "condition",
But, the moon in position,
It's his curse to turn pet when sun sets.

It's early to bed-head in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) transforms in Frankenstein meets The Wolf Man (1943). Title by sunny David Cairns.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Cubbies and Commies

Cubbies and Commies...How else to explain Chicago baseball? Read another of my baseball limericks here at Bardball.

José Abreu won both AL Player of the Month and AL Rookie of the Month for his record-breaking performance in April.  He led the majors in HRs (10), RBIs (32), total bases and extra-base hits, and also set major league rookie records for each of those categories. (Text by James Finn Garner)

Hair of the Dog-Eared

Larry staggers around like a dope
Looking haggard, unsound...what a mope!
He's a sight, and feels terrible
For last night was unbearable
Lost his swagger, but found he could lope.

Maleva counsels a frazzled looking Larry Talbot in HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Maria Ouspensaya and Lon Chaney Jr in The Wolf Man (1941). Title by hairy-tongued David Cairns.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Animal House of the Wolf Man

Easygoing and terribly sweet,
Larry's growing thick hair on his feet
Now all furry and feral
Meet this cur at your peril
For your throat he will tear out and eat.

It's feeding time in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN. Image: Lon Chaney Jr. attacks in The Wolf Man (George Waggner, 1941).

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Werewolfing Down a Meal

He's a fright and a curse after dark
Late at night he traverses the park
On the balls of his feet
He will maul, then he'll eat
'cause his bite is much worse than his bark.

Hairy Larry Talbot flees the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN.
Image: Lon Chaney Jr. and victim in the original, the one and only...The Wolf Man (1941). Title by mealy-mouthed David Cairns.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Scent of a Wolf Man


In the foreground poor Larry is looming
And his horror-show hair needs perfuming
As he lunges and shrieks
He's so pungent, he reeks
From the gore, extra-rare, he's consuming.

Surly Hack with David Cairns

Someone open a window in the HOUSE OF THE WOLF MAN.
Lon Chaney Jr. is Larry Talbot, aka The Wolf Man (1941).