Tuesday, December 31, 2013

It Came Back Up On the Midnight Clear

Cats and chicks, hoist a mug and say Cheers!
The clock ticks, grab a jug, New Year's nears
Soon heads spin, thick and boozy
Folks begin to feel woozy
Then the liquor they chugged reappears.

Sophia Loren takes it lying down. Happy New Year from the Surly Hack and the crew here at LimerWrecks!  Please celebrate safely this evening. We want you around on New Year's Day.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Not-So-Silent Night

From their graves they're exhumed for a spin
Homeless mavens of doom...what a din!
Monstrous evil rambunctious,
Drac deceivingly unctuous;
For such knaves there's no room at the inn.

Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) and the Monster (Glenn Strange) tussle over the bodies of Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) and Inspector Holtz (Lionel Atwill) in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by silently running David Cairns.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

We Three Things of Gory Ends Are

There's no set of old schmoes any stranger,
Who to Bethlehem pose such a danger
Your good tidings of joy
We'll deride, then destroy
Never let us get close to the manger.

Dr. Edelmann is throttled by the monster: the silhouettes of Onslow Stevens and Glenn Strange in House of Dracula (1945).

Saturday, December 28, 2013

The Unholy and the Ivy

Oh the werewolf outside may be frightful
He could tear from your hide quite a biteful
But reclined by the fire
Frankenstein's thing is dire
Since that glare from his "bride" the guy's spiteful.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

The Monster (Glenn Strange) is flat on his back through most of House of Dracula (1945).

Friday, December 27, 2013

The Little Glummer Boy

It's the pits for unfortunate Larry
'Neath the mistletoe, tortured, not merry
He's a-feared when the moon
Will appear all too soon
All his bits grow abnormally hairy.

Lycanthropic Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by LimerWrecks' best boy, David Cairns.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Lots of Creatures Were Stirring

Count Dracula's canines were bared
The Wolf Man's furred nostrils were flared
The mad quack was stark raving,
Nina's back misbehaving,
And the monster was walking impaired.

Glenn Strange plays Frankenstein's hobbled creation in the last non-comedic monster mash-up from Universal, House of Dracula (1945).

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Humbug Repellent

An ungenerous, chintzy old geezer
Of pennies, a pincher and squeezer
So stingy and cruel
He's a skinflint at yule
No spendthrift is Grinch Ebenezer.

Surly Hack

This old fart's the original Scrooge
He's a hard-headed, stingy, rich stooge
He plays host in the night
To three ghosts full of fright
And his heart, once a midget, grows huge.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Scrooge: Alistair Sim makes a memorable Ebenezer Scrooge in Brian Desmond Hurst's delightful 1951 filming of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol".  Merry Christmas from all of us at LimerWrecks!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Things That Go Bump the Night Before Christmas

Someone decked the count's coffin with holly
Poor Doc Edelmann's off of his trolley
While the Monster lies prone
Like some Hanukkah drone
And the werewolf feels awful, not jolly.

House of Dracula (1945). Title by bumpy David Cairns.

Monday, December 23, 2013

A Bad Wrap

What to give to this freakish, big boob?
Make a gift of a beaker and tube?
A nice card, a new brain?
Brains are hard to obtain...
He's so stiff in physique...Jiffy Lube?

Glenn Strange as the Monster in House of Dracula (1945). It's Christmas all week here at LimerWrecks.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Violent Night

You had best not sing carols this yule
Or you're destined for peril so cruel
Ring the doorbell of Drac
And you're gored for a snack
Jingles festive just scare the old ghoul.

David Cairns

Count Carradine is at the door in House of Dracula (1945).

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Silent Nightmare

For this miss, so expansive of back,
Ev'ry Christmas, a panic attack
As she bows in contortion
She's so out of proportion
Folks insist she bears Santa's big sack.

Hunchbacked Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) poses in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by chatty David Cairns.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Death Lab for Cutie

To a world which for "its" were intended,
Comes a girl, her back "Fritzed" and distended
Over test tubes she labors
'Midst detestable neighbors,
Till she's hurled down a pit, her life ended.

Hunchbacked Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) assists the mad doctor in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). "Fritzed" refers to Fritz, the hunchback played by Dwight Frye in Frankenstein (1931). I have a hunch this is another of our Dwight Frye-Days.

Thursday, December 19, 2013


Larry's tired of being a grump
To expire, in the sea took a jump
But, awaiting below,
Was no fatal K.O. --
He's required to sequel, poor chump. 

In House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945), a despairing Larry Talbot leaps off a cliff and lands near a cave containing Frankenstein's Monster, still clutching the skeletal remains of Dr. Niemann, both conveniently transported from the quicksand at the end of House of Frankenstein (Erle C. Kenton, 1944). Pictured: Onslow Stevens, possibly Glenn Strange, and Lon Chaney Jr.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Suicide of Beef

His despair lycan-Larry would stop
With a terrible, perilous drop
But this cretinous leaper
Will not meet the grim reaper,
For, at perishing, Larry's a flop.

In House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945), lycanthropic Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) cannot stand another night as a beast, so he runs to the cliffs behind the mansion and throws himself off.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Mood is Blue

Always brooding, he's grumpy, dejected
Can his mood -- in the dumps -- be corrected?
When, by moonlight ill met,
Larry soon starts to fret,
For the fluids he pumps are infected.

In House of Dracula (1945), hunchbacked Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams), Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens), and nurse Milizia (Martha O'Driscoll) all try to help cure Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr) of his lycanthropy. Title by mood swinger David Cairns.

Monday, December 16, 2013


He's not right, knows hysteria well
And at night he won't dare leave his cell
Of his biting he's wary
Not exciting, it's scary!
He's a sight growing hairy as hell.

Lon Chaney Jr is the worrisome Wolf Man in House of Dracula (1945).

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Class By Night

Bloodline noble and aristocratic,
Hemoglobin would send Drac ecstatic
But L. Talbot's a hairy 'un
Who's all proletari-un
Like a hobo's, his scent's aromatic.

David Cairns

John Carradine is Dracula and Lon Chaney Jr is Larry Talbot, the Wolf Man, in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Out of Aorta

Count Drac is one heck of a goon
In his path human wreckage is strewn
He is handsome but twisted
And he can't be resisted
From his wrath no one's neck is immune.

John Carradine plays the vampire count in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by outlying Norm Knott

Friday, December 13, 2013

The Hunchback of Naughty Dame

Here's the hunchback, like Fritz in a skirt
She's no honeybunch, glitzy and pert
But just look past her spine
Though she's crooked she's fine
And more fun than some ritzy stuffed shirt.

David Cairns
and Surly Hack

Jane "Poni" Adams as Nina in House of Dracula (1945). Fritz is the hunchback played by Dwight Frye in Frankenstein (1931).

Thursday, December 12, 2013


He's a dangerous, creepy old flirt
Fangs in veins he will deeply insert
If his dates only knew
That in state he's on view,
Days arranged to lie sleeping on dirt.

Dracula (John Carradine), at rest in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by basket-case David Cairns.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


Here's a masher no person should trust
Fangs he'll gnash in perverse, bloody lust
Just a decadent royal
With no speck of the loyal,
Euro-trash from the cursed upper crust.

John Carradine makes a dapper Dracula iHouse of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by bloomin' David Cairns.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Is There a Mad Doctor in the House?

It's his house, not a condo or apt.
It's where Glenn, John and Lon have all napped
They're all buds, well acquainted
Till his blood's vampire-tainted
And he howls like his sconce has just snapped.

David Cairns

House of Dracula (1945): Onslow Stevens is Dr. Edelmann. The other actor's cited are Glenn Strange, John Carradine and Lon Chaney Jr.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Onslow Descent

Little Nina's enormous in back
He's a meanie, abnormal, a quack
Once first-rate and benign,
Tried to straighten her spine,
Now he's fiendish, transformed by Count Drac.

Martha O'Driscoll is Milizia, Onslow Stevens is Doctor Franz and Jane "Poni" Adams is Nina the hunchback in House of Dracula (1945). Title by slow hand David Cairns.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Uneven Stevens

Dr. Franz was a gent in demand
'Cause his honest intentions were grand
But his conduct soon changed
And, demonic, deranged,
As a monster he'll end getting canned.

Onslow Stevens plays Franz Edelmann, a doctor infected by vampire blood in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title by even-keeled David Cairns.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Malice Through the Looking Glass

As his pan disappears in the vanity
The doc panics, in fear for his sanity
By Count Drac double-crossed,
All turns black, all is lost --
Like his vanished veneer of humanity.

In House of Dracula (1945), Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) observes the effects of being infected by the blood of Dracula. Title by glassy-eyed David Cairns.

Friday, December 6, 2013

The Lady with the Lump

There's no part for old pally Dwight Frye
Cause the hunchback's a gal not a guy
Doc employs an assistant
And his choice is consistent
"Make her crunched-up, unbalanced and sly!"

David Cairns

Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) and Nina, his hunchbacked helper (Jane "Poni" Adams) in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Dwight-Frye-Days stoops to conquer.

David Cairns is currently hosting The Late Show, the late movies blogathon. Give it a look for interesting features on later and last films of various directors.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Boo Man Group

To this shack three old reprobates troop,
Where Count Drac starts to prep his new dupe
To transfuse, the're connected,
You-know-who's blood's infected,
And the quack finds he's stepped in the poop.

As hunchback Nina looks on, Dracula reverses his blood transfusion with Doctor Edelmann: Jane "Poni" Adams, John Carradine and Onslow Stevens in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Universal's Donor

Never try an undead blood transfusion
Gone awry, you will dread its conclusion
If the flow gets a switch
It might go with a hitch:
You could die bleeding red in profusion.

In Universal's  House of Dracula (1945), Hunchback Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) oversees a blood transfusion from Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens, right) to Count Latos/Dracula, (John Carradine, left).

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Reprobate and Switch

Count Drac says he's bent on a cure
But in fact, his intention ain't pure
The old tux-wearing wreck
Always sucks a girl's neck
His attraction's demented, for sure.

John Carradine is Count Latos, aka Dracula, in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Monday, December 2, 2013

Open House of Dracula

In his vintage manse, drafty and damp,
In a window his staff leaves a lamp
Strangers knock on his door,
But the doc isn't sore --
He lets in ev'ry half-wit and vamp.

Count Dracula (John Carradine, right) pays a visit to Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Well-Stocked Shocker

There's the Monster, the Wolf Man and Drac
All ensconced in Count Dracula's shack
And along for the ride
Is a Jekyll turned Hyde
And his help with the cracking hunched back.

Glenn Strange is the MonsterLon Chaney Jr is the Wolf Man, John Carradine is Dracula, Onslow Stevens is the Mad Doctor, and Jane "Poni" Adams is the hunchback, in House of Dracula (1945).

Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Bust with Two Backs

It's too bad that these two couldn't wed
Just imagine their brood if they bred
But their sleeping arrangement
Would cause deepest estrangement
Those two backs haven't room in one bed.

Pictured are hunchbacks Daniel (J Carrol Naish) in House of Frankenstein (1944), and Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) in House of Dracula. This limerick was suggested by regular LimerWrecks reader Caffeinated Joe. Its title is by irregular writer David Cairns.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Miss Shaped

This lady's no swine like old Dwight
She'd played more benign and polite
But she's bent like that chump
With identical hump
Thus betrayed by a spine-curving blight.

David Cairns and Surly Hack

Martha O'Driscoll, Onslow Stevens and Jane "Poni" Adams as Nina,in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Adams' hunchback followed Dwight Frye as Fritz in the original Universal Frankenstein. Dwight Frye-Days lives!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Giblet It Be

Though this horror appeals it feels murky
And its story unreels herky-jerky
But with "Its" it is swarming,
Throwing fits and transforming
So it's short of ideal but no turkey.

House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Happy Cranksgiving from the butterball-and-chain gang at LimerWrecks! The title is by Norm Knott, full of cornball and nutjob stuffing.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Things That Grow Bumps in the Night

Men take flight from a female that's frumpy
But delight when she's pleasingly bumpy
Femmes with valleys and hills
Fill the male's loins with thrills
Why then fright when he sees a gal's humpy?

Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) and his assistant, the hunchbacked yet lovely Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) in House of Dracula (1945). 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Baby's Got Hunchback

In a castle, this quack's old abode,
Lives this lass with a back badly bowed
Will this freakish assistant
Remain shriek show resistant,
As a passel of crackpots unload?

Hunchback Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) and Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) ward off an out-of-frame Dracula in House of Dracula (1945).

Monday, November 25, 2013

Three Menaces and a Little Lady

With a roster of monsters that's great
It's a hostel for rotters, irate
Plus one wacky li'l chick
Whose poor back has a crick
And whose posture's a lot less than straight.

The hunchbacked Nina (Jane "Poni" Adams) keeps an eye on Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr), Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens), and the Monster (Glenn Strange), in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Poni Neckspress

He's the wicked and dastardly Drac
For his sicko repast he'll attack
In his thirst he's voracious
For all nurses curvaceous
Except chicks with a vast upper back.

John Carradine is Count Latos, aka Dracula, Jane "Poni" Adams is the hunchbacked Nina in House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945). Title written under a pressing deadline by David Cairns.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Latos Prey

Be they wicked, lost harlot or nun
Helpless victims he'll scar by the ton
Ev'ry daughter and mum
To the slaughter succumb
Till the sicko gets charred by the sun.

In House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945), Count Latos, aka Dracula (John Carradine) pursues mellifluous Milizia (Martha O'Driscoll). David Cairns writes a lot o' titles for LimerWrecks, including this one.